So I'm sitting in a hotel in the creatively named New Town, ND waiting to hear if and when I will be working today. No matter, I've been stuck in a lot of out-of-the-way towns, so I google "things to do in New Town, ND". A grand total of 6 things pop up on tripadvisor:
1: Crow Flies High Butte, 2 reviews...
"A powerful place for reflection" (Written by a New Yorker who is apparently reflecting on "what civilization has done to the MHA Nation". (I also had to google MHA. It is an acronym for the three tribes of the area, Mandan, Hidasta, and Arikara.) Apparently whites were/are civilized and Indians were/are not? I guess I could reflect on this, but I'd rather not.)
"Was very peaceful some of signs had been vandalized but could read most very beautiful area got lots of great pictures" (What it lacks in grammar it makes up for in brevity.)
2: Three Affiliated Tribes Museum, 3 reviews, with the following titles...
"Excellent and Extremely Rich!", "This place is a dump. Don't waste your time." and "Small Museum with a Friendly Staff" (Two out of three ain't bad, right? Still, I've been in tribal museums before, and I can't help but walk away with a tinge of sadness each time. I'm in North Dakota during a slow period of an oil boom, it's already hard enough to think happy thoughts.)
3: Fort Berthhold Indian Reservation, 5 reviews, with one title that jumped out...
"Exceptionally Rude People" (This review was written by someone from ND who was apparently feeling some reverse racism. They apparently now know what it feels like to be "a 1950's african american." Huh. It's a little hard to take this review seriously. The other four reviews are generally favorable, but with caveats about construction, warnings about Indians without auto insurance, and a less-than-stellar review calling the reservation "average". Admittedly, it's hard to get too excited about a visit.)
4: Scenic 23 North Dakota, 2 reviews, one of which is from the same person who wrote two of the previous reviews and warns people that...
"if you are uncomfortable with working class people you may be uncomfortable. Most of people working in this area are from around the country".(By the way, this review is for a restaurant. Three attractions in, and already we're running out of things to say about the area, apparently. The second review states "I have to say that this is the worst experience that I have ever had at a restaurant in my life." Wow. That may be hyperbole, but I think I'll be eating in the hotel.)
5: Four Bears Casino, with a whopping 12 reviews, with the following two preview titles...
"Crap" and..
"Total Dump, Rude Employees, Crappy Machines." (I'm starting to see a trend here with crap as the common denominator. The other 11 reviews are not much better and include titles like "Greasy", "Years of Disappointments" and "Worst in America". (I was hoping this was written by the same guy who found the restaurant to be the "worst experience... in my life." but alas, no.) Even the best review was only titled "Improved", which is doubly scary considering that it was written before the other two worst reviews. Jesus, what was the place like before it was "improved"?)
6: Earl Bunyan, no reviews.
(I have to admit, this one intrigues me. A different site describes it as a tall concrete statue from 1958 that is supposed to be the ranching "brother" of Paul Bunyan. The son of the sculptor has his remains buried underneath it along with his parents. It looks like I have a winner in the attractions department, so I check the batteries in my camera and get ready to take a short trip down the highway.)
Then I get a call. Go out and walk with the pipeline where they hope to start digging. I jump in a pickup with an archaeologist from a competing company and even though we've never met, we swap gossip about mutual coworkers as though we've known each other for years. It's a small, small world chock full of various types of dysfunction.
When we finally get out to the project area I learn that the two guys we have followed out are putting up temporary fencing around all the "environmental" areas so that the heavy equipment avoids them. Unfortunately, it seems my role this week as a paleontologist has again been misunderstood since the areas I need to monitor for fossils are not only farther south, they don't require fencing. Then we get a call saying we don't yet have permission to fence the archaeological areas anyway, so now half of our four person team doesn't really have anything to do. (I'm missing Earl Bunyan for this?) Out of boredom and a need to feel somewhat productive I decide to read the Paleontological report to find out what I might expect if they do uncover something. In 2013 other researchers found three "moderately well preserved" small fossil shells and a piece of petrified wood. This, apparently, is typical. The very best I can hope for is that a back hoe clips an ancient crocodile relative and doesn't obliterate it in the process. I can also hope to find Butch Cassidy's gold buried in my back yard.(Actually, my chances with the gold might be better.)
On the way back into town I discover that not only did I drive past Earl Bunyan, twice, the window in the hotel actually had a view of it. Earl, as it turns out, is not quite as big as I imagined. Either 20ft isn't as tall as I imagined (It's not.) or Earl isn't 20 ft. tall. (Maybe if you include the base. Maybe.) Plus, it's bad. Not horrifically, grotesquely bad, just kind of a spindly and unkempt sort of bad. It doesn't appear to have been painted in years, and there is something about the tiny pupils in Earl's huge turquoise eyes combined with the cracked nostrils and peeling paint that make him look a little less like a determined rancher and more like a zombie cowboy. An image search later shows the evolution of Earl. At different points in the past he sported a red shirt, a yellow hat and was holding a rope. Now he appears to be wearing a blue polyester jump suit. (The loss of the belt didn't help.) The string of caution tape around the edges doesn't exactly add to the ambience, either. Here I was really looking forward to posting the first review but I just don't think I have the heart to advertise that the final resting place of three individuals, including a WWII war veteran, is just, well... goofy.
I suppose I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Now, I'm hearing that construction may not start until Monday, maybe, and I've already checked off the one attraction I was most interested in.
It could be a really long week.
1: Crow Flies High Butte, 2 reviews...
"A powerful place for reflection" (Written by a New Yorker who is apparently reflecting on "what civilization has done to the MHA Nation". (I also had to google MHA. It is an acronym for the three tribes of the area, Mandan, Hidasta, and Arikara.) Apparently whites were/are civilized and Indians were/are not? I guess I could reflect on this, but I'd rather not.)
"Was very peaceful some of signs had been vandalized but could read most very beautiful area got lots of great pictures" (What it lacks in grammar it makes up for in brevity.)
2: Three Affiliated Tribes Museum, 3 reviews, with the following titles...
"Excellent and Extremely Rich!", "This place is a dump. Don't waste your time." and "Small Museum with a Friendly Staff" (Two out of three ain't bad, right? Still, I've been in tribal museums before, and I can't help but walk away with a tinge of sadness each time. I'm in North Dakota during a slow period of an oil boom, it's already hard enough to think happy thoughts.)
3: Fort Berthhold Indian Reservation, 5 reviews, with one title that jumped out...
"Exceptionally Rude People" (This review was written by someone from ND who was apparently feeling some reverse racism. They apparently now know what it feels like to be "a 1950's african american." Huh. It's a little hard to take this review seriously. The other four reviews are generally favorable, but with caveats about construction, warnings about Indians without auto insurance, and a less-than-stellar review calling the reservation "average". Admittedly, it's hard to get too excited about a visit.)
4: Scenic 23 North Dakota, 2 reviews, one of which is from the same person who wrote two of the previous reviews and warns people that...
"if you are uncomfortable with working class people you may be uncomfortable. Most of people working in this area are from around the country".(By the way, this review is for a restaurant. Three attractions in, and already we're running out of things to say about the area, apparently. The second review states "I have to say that this is the worst experience that I have ever had at a restaurant in my life." Wow. That may be hyperbole, but I think I'll be eating in the hotel.)
5: Four Bears Casino, with a whopping 12 reviews, with the following two preview titles...
"Crap" and..
"Total Dump, Rude Employees, Crappy Machines." (I'm starting to see a trend here with crap as the common denominator. The other 11 reviews are not much better and include titles like "Greasy", "Years of Disappointments" and "Worst in America". (I was hoping this was written by the same guy who found the restaurant to be the "worst experience... in my life." but alas, no.) Even the best review was only titled "Improved", which is doubly scary considering that it was written before the other two worst reviews. Jesus, what was the place like before it was "improved"?)
6: Earl Bunyan, no reviews.
(I have to admit, this one intrigues me. A different site describes it as a tall concrete statue from 1958 that is supposed to be the ranching "brother" of Paul Bunyan. The son of the sculptor has his remains buried underneath it along with his parents. It looks like I have a winner in the attractions department, so I check the batteries in my camera and get ready to take a short trip down the highway.)
Then I get a call. Go out and walk with the pipeline where they hope to start digging. I jump in a pickup with an archaeologist from a competing company and even though we've never met, we swap gossip about mutual coworkers as though we've known each other for years. It's a small, small world chock full of various types of dysfunction.
When we finally get out to the project area I learn that the two guys we have followed out are putting up temporary fencing around all the "environmental" areas so that the heavy equipment avoids them. Unfortunately, it seems my role this week as a paleontologist has again been misunderstood since the areas I need to monitor for fossils are not only farther south, they don't require fencing. Then we get a call saying we don't yet have permission to fence the archaeological areas anyway, so now half of our four person team doesn't really have anything to do. (I'm missing Earl Bunyan for this?) Out of boredom and a need to feel somewhat productive I decide to read the Paleontological report to find out what I might expect if they do uncover something. In 2013 other researchers found three "moderately well preserved" small fossil shells and a piece of petrified wood. This, apparently, is typical. The very best I can hope for is that a back hoe clips an ancient crocodile relative and doesn't obliterate it in the process. I can also hope to find Butch Cassidy's gold buried in my back yard.(Actually, my chances with the gold might be better.)
On the way back into town I discover that not only did I drive past Earl Bunyan, twice, the window in the hotel actually had a view of it. Earl, as it turns out, is not quite as big as I imagined. Either 20ft isn't as tall as I imagined (It's not.) or Earl isn't 20 ft. tall. (Maybe if you include the base. Maybe.) Plus, it's bad. Not horrifically, grotesquely bad, just kind of a spindly and unkempt sort of bad. It doesn't appear to have been painted in years, and there is something about the tiny pupils in Earl's huge turquoise eyes combined with the cracked nostrils and peeling paint that make him look a little less like a determined rancher and more like a zombie cowboy. An image search later shows the evolution of Earl. At different points in the past he sported a red shirt, a yellow hat and was holding a rope. Now he appears to be wearing a blue polyester jump suit. (The loss of the belt didn't help.) The string of caution tape around the edges doesn't exactly add to the ambience, either. Here I was really looking forward to posting the first review but I just don't think I have the heart to advertise that the final resting place of three individuals, including a WWII war veteran, is just, well... goofy.
I suppose I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Now, I'm hearing that construction may not start until Monday, maybe, and I've already checked off the one attraction I was most interested in.
It could be a really long week.
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