Blame Abraham, pt. II

After Bethlehem, I went to Hebron so I could check out the Cave of the Patriarchs. Legend has it that a lot of your favorite biblical characters are buried there, including Abraham. Abraham, being about as ancient a character as you can find in the Bible, is so old that he's a big deal in all the Middle Eastern religions. He's the father of Judaism, and his kids are responsible for Islam and Christianity. In a nutshell, anyway. If I get into who begat whom, I'll be here for a while. There's a whole series of books on the matter, you've probably heard of a few of them.

Anyway, an Arab kid, who couldn't have been more than fifteen, and was dressed like just about every poor teenager anywhere in the world these days, saw me and decided he would escort me (For a tip, of course.) to the "cave". (A temple covers it now. Well, for about the last 1500 years or so.) I was actually kind of grateful to have his company, as I was getting some looks from the locals that made me slightly uncomfortable. With my bodyguard leading the way, you can imagine my surprise when we came around the corner of a narrow street and I found myself face-to-face with two machine gun nests pointed in my direction. He didn't even flinch.

The guards only looked slightly surprised to see us, but after they gave me the once-over and checked my passport they let me through. The kid, however, was told he would not be joining me. (I gave him a tip, anyway.) Once inside, I was surprised to find that Abraham's coffin (Cenotaph - I guess that's what you call a coffin that everyone knows has always been empty.) is not entirely visible. Turns out that the building has been divided, between the Muslims and Jews, like so much else in the country, and just a portion of it can be seen through a barred window on the Jewish side.

Outside the temple as I waited for a mini bus, a group of Hasidic-looking individuals spontaneously started dancing. (I say Hasidic-looking because as I was later to find out, there are about as many different types of Jews as there are Christians (That's probably a gross exaggeration.) and apparently, if you're knowledgeable enough, you can even pick them out just using clues like hat and hair style.) I don't know why they were dancing, or if they even had a reason, but they seemed happy enough and didn't seem to mind me taking a video, so I did.

Obviously, there’s plenty of old buildings that are hugely important and significant in the area, but one of the most important, and contentious, resides at the Temple Mount. You've all seen the famous Dome of the Rock - it's the elaborately blue and white tiled mosque-like building with the gold domed roof in the middle of Jerusalem. Inside is the most sacred site in Judaism (They say Earth and Adam were created here on/of the rock that the dome covers.) and ranks up there along with Mecca for the Muslims.  A lot of things supposedly happened on this particular rock, but the one thing that stands out, at least for me, is the “binding of Isacc”. This is the story of how God/Allah/Jehova told Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isacc, and Abraham, being devout, decided to do it. In the end, Isacc wasn’t killed and each religion has their own take on why. (I tend to think of it as one of the very first “Han shot first” arguments, but it's possible that I am  somewhat sacrilegious.)

The Muslims claim Muhammad leapt to heaven from here as well, which left a footprint that is still, more or less, visible. Truly, you would be hard pressed to find any other spot where more has supposedly happened on less square footage. So, naturally, I wanted to go inside and have a look.

That didn’t happen. I didn’t even get to peek in the door. If I could have proven that I was a Muslim, sure, but that would have been a hard sell. I asked the guard out front if non-Muslims would ever be allowed back in (they were forbidden starting in 2000) and was told by the guard “Never! They will never be allowed in.” Shoot.

Speaking of shooting, I did meet a fair skinned girl who managed to sneak in. She was grilled for a good long while since they were suspicious of her motives (rightly so) but, because she was from Turkey and, apparently, since most Turkish passports have “Muslim” listed as the person’s religion by default, and because she was at least passingly familiar enough with the religion to answer the faith-based questions they presented her with, she was grudgingly allowed in. With a chaperone. She told me that inside there is a display case of spent bullet casings from the last big shootout with Jews in 1967. It seems like an odd thing to have in a holy place, but I could almost see it catching on in Wyoming. (Church attendance might soar if a person could check out the arrow that killed Custer or the gun that shot Sitting Bull while learning about the ten commandments.)

It was about this time that I had my first bomb scare. I was shopping in what was essentially a mall and suddenly the metal garage doors started coming down. Looking at the other shoppers, I felt like I was the only one who was paying much attention to this so asked what was happening. “Oh, someone thinks they found a bomb. We’ll open the doors soon - the bomb squad will be here in a minute and get rid of it.”  Sensing that I was less than reassured, this was followed with “Don’t worry, this happens all the time.” Discretion being the better part of valor, I chose not to peek under the door like the other young men who were working there. Eventually, the doors opened, and life returned to normal, or some semblance of it anyway. 

I think it was about this time I decided that I was ready to get out of Jerusalem and see somewhere a little less... interesting. Luckily, I was afforded that opportunity and so headed north towards the Golan Heights.

Blame Abraham pt. I

As many of you know, I took a little jaunt through the middle east back in 2011. I've written a bit about that, but the country I spent the most time in, partly because I was waiting on my visa to India, was Israel. (It seemed like a clever notion at the time - a lot of Israeli's visit there when they finish their mandatory military service, so I figured there would already be a stack of them waiting to be used. I was wrong.) 

So, why haven't I written anything about it before now?  I guess it's partly because I've had a hard time thinking of ways to make it a fun(ny) thing to read about. (Well, there was me loosing my pants at the Dead Sea - more on that in a bit.) Not only that, the two most interesting things about Israel are it's politics, and religious history, and I'm sure you'll remember the old adage about the two things never to talk about?  Still, it was an interesting (dare I say profound?) experience, and I'll try to tell it as objectively as I can... 

After visiting (fleeing?) Egypt, our small group of multinational backpackers headed to Petra, Jordan. You'll have to excuse me for being briefly off topic here, but in a word - wow. This truly is one of the "modern" seven wonders of the world, and was even more impressive than I had imagined. A lot of people know Petra because the Treasury was used in the climax of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and the Jordanians have gotten a lot of mileage out of that connection, believe me. (There's even an Indiana Jones gift shop at the entrance that sells hats and an Indeana Johnes snack shop nearby. It's hard to know if the spelling is intentional.)  But there's so much more than just the Treasury - there's miles (Or kilometers, if you prefer.) of the most spectacularly multi-colored, banded, sandstone canyons, most all of which are sculpted with hundreds of different buildings, temples, etc. As for the rest of Jordan.... it's not as exotic anymore as you might imagine. It's really quite developed and almost bizarrely western. I saw more American chain restaurants, hotels, etc. there that I did in Israel. Look up the king and his family on google - they almost look like they could have a reality show on TLC. (This may have something to do with the fact that his father met his mother while she was assisting with the filming of Lawrence of Arabia.) I can't help but wonder what TE Lawrence would think about the fact that a movie based on his life would help to mold the region he was trying to protect from western influence into a western leaning country. It's almost too weird to contemplate.

It's not all Chili's and Applebee's (I'm not even kidding.) though. Plenty of traditions remain, such as the Turkish bath, or Hamam. (Though, technically, this is an artifact of the Ottoman era, but whatever.) Here's how it works - you pay too much, then take a shower. Then you sit in a very hot steam bath and they bring you a very nice frozen hibiscus drink. Then you shower again. Hop into to Jacuzzi for a bit, and afterwards, shower. A large guy then scrubs you down with a soapy wool loofah, and you rinse that off in the shower. You go back, and a different guy rubs you down with some sort of oil, (I think that's what he was doing - he may have actually been beating me up and the oil was just a ruse.) and gives you a face mask, which you leave on while you lay on a big warm stone table. Of course, you shower afterwards. And then again, after sitting in a dry hot steam bath. The whole process took about an hour and, I figure, about 100,000 gallons of water. Seems kind of like that might a bad idea in a desert environment, but when in Rome... Besides, I can't say too much considering I am from the country that boasts the Bellagio fountain show in Vegas and has approximately 10 bazillion over-cut lawns and golf courses.

Anyway, back to Israel. After saying goodbye to most of our friends in Jordan, me and a young Croatian woman named Jasna headed to Jerusalem. I have to admit, I was a little worried about this as I knew that an Israeli stamp in my passport would black-list me from a number of countries that have yet to recognize Israel as a country, such as Syria. (It's still "occupied Palestine" for much of the Middle East.) But, since I wanted that Indian visa, off I went.

First impressions... well, we stood in line at the boarder for a long time, while a strapping, red-headed young man wearing a polo shirt, sunglasses, and blue jeans paced around, tapping his fingers on his machine gun in a ˝You wanna piece of this?˝ fashion. I struck up a conversation with a young journalist from the States who had been covering the Egyptian revolution along with his friend from Brazil. One by one we all passed through, and Jasna was even able to get her entry stamp on a separate piece of paper. I tried that too, but for reasons I still don't understand, was unsuccessful. (It may have been an honest mistake, but it cost me the opportunity to visit Syria before all the trouble started there. I still regret that.) Once we were on the other side we waited for the Brazilian. And waited, and waited.... eventually we had to leave the journalist behind.  Later that day we saw him again and he told us that he also finally had to leave - and no one would tell him what had happened with his friend or why. (I actually ran into the Brazilian later - he told me he was held for about three hours before he was allowed to leave. He never found out why, either.)

Jerusalem itself is both wonderfully interesting, and a complete and utter mess. Whenever you enter, or leave, you have to go through security. Imagine having to do the whole airport security thing as part of your daily commute, twice a day. Its easier, of course, if you possess a certain color security card. The blue one is for Israelis, and the green is for Palestinians. Only a select few Palestinians are allowed even these, however. No one I talked to seemed to know what the basis was for issuing them, but part of it may be that most Palestinians are not citizens of Israel. It's not that they couldn't, they simply choose not to be. 

The old part of the city is great - lots of winding, cobblestone streets that all your favorite figures from antiquity have walked. (Well, sort-of. Much of it newer, newer being relative when you are talking hundreds of years.) One favorite thing for the "pilgrims" to do is to grab a wooden cross and carry it the same route that Jesus did. (Again, as I was saying...) Once enough crosses end up at the church built where the crucifixion  probably took place, one skinny kid carries about three or four back down to the start. I'm not sure what the cross owners charge to carry one, but I know it's not free.

Of course, it's really neat to see the diversity of religions represented by walking through the different quarters of the old town, but there are, of course, tensions.  One Jewish family has moved into a section of the city without permission and now lives behind razor wire and constant security. Most average people find relief from the stress of work by going home at the end of the day- I suspect for them it's a little different.

The first night, Jasna and I visited Ramallah. Being in the West Bank (I always feel this needs an explanation, since it really doesn't make much sense - it isn't really west of anything, at least not anymore. Now it's simply pockets of Palestinian communities. Historically, well... it's complicated.)  I wasn't sure what to expect. Would I get blown up? Kidnapped? Not in the least -it wasn't as developed, but the people were very nice and had a remarkably good sense of humor. We ate at the Stars&Bucks (which had a vaguely familiar green logo) where we met a Muslim woman from California. She explained something I would hear repeated by a number of Palestinians. They don't hate Jews. They have, after all, coexisted in some form or fashion for over 3000 years. With the Christians, too. What they do hate is having their land taken from them without compensation, and that other countries with clout (especially the US) tend to look the other way.

Later that night, I did get beat up. By whom? Mr. Bunk Bed whose religious affiliation is unknown. I was lying on his top bunk, and didn't think that kneeling at his foot would cause offense, but he collapsed and smashed my face with his frame. At least that was my perspective on the situation. And I've come to realize that one's perspective makes all the difference in the world, especially in that part of it.

The next day we went to the Dead Sea. It's common knowledge, apparently, that it is so salty that you can easily float on top - perhaps you've seen the photos? Easily may not be the right word, though. You have to be careful not to slice yourself up on the sharp salt crystals forming near the shore and once you're out in the water you also can't be bothered by the salt stinging your eyes like mad, or all the floating human detritus, like band-aids. (Still good fun, though.)

 Getting dressed on the shore afterwards, I noticed something was missing - my pants were gone. I couldn't figure out how they could have been stolen right in front of me, until I remembered that before I had even made it to the beach I had sat down and waiting for a cold, rainy squall to blow over after changing into my swim trunks. I must have set them down, and walked away from them, distracted by the young Brazilian women who were displaying considerably more skin that I had seen in the veil-covered Middle East for the last month. I went immediately to the nearby food Kiosk, and the guy, seeing me standing there in my underwear, immediately said. "You! You're the guy with no pants!" (I wonder what his first clue was?) He explained they had been found, but were now on a tour bus of foreigners headed to another destination as it was believed they might have belonged to someone in their group. (Likely story.) He made a call, and since they hadn't gotten far they returned, delivering my pants while I stood on the side of the highway. If they were upset at having to return they didn't show it. In fact, based on the expressions I saw of the people peering through the bus windows I think they may have even enjoyed seeing me standing there in my boxer briefs. (Somewhere, on Namibian facebook or something similar, is probably a photo of me with the caption "Stupid tourist in Israel".) Unfortunately, and entirely inexplicably, everything, including a few shekels, my Swiss army knife, and even my dummy "mugger-wallet", was there, except for the two thumb/drives containing a bunch of writing and photos. I was very bummed.

I went to Bethlehem after that. Oh little town of... well, it's not so little anymore. Don't expect any mangers - just an ornate hole in the floor of the church where, once upon a time, Jesus was supposed to have been born. A dark, small, hole. Architecturally speaking, it's not what I would have chosen. It's actually kind of creepy - why a hole? Babies don't belong in holes. It just kept making me think "Lassie, go get help! Baby Jesus fell in the well!" Maybe some people find comfort in that, but I didn't. I was more moved by the graffiti on the large concrete security barrier (wall) built outside of town. It's worth a google.