I know it's been a while since I posted anything, and it's been, oh, nine months since this happened, but I still figured a few of you might want to hear about India.
I flew into New Delhi (it doesn't look very new, trust me) from Amman, Jordan. I knew enough about India that, after my late night flight, I thought I better hang out in the airport a while until it at least got light outside. While I was waiting I met Borat. Not Sacha Baron Cohen, but a guy who was a shockingly like him. I've never met a more enthusiastic, (and dramatically bipolar) person. He was in his mid 30's, wore a three-piece grey suit, and had a LARGE silver eagle medallion on a chain around his neck. Physically, he looked kind of like a young Ahmadinejad, which was fitting, as he was from Iran. He explained that he didn't have a place picked out to stay, so asked if he could tag along with me to my hostel. We eventually somehow managed our way into the subway after going through what is awfully reminiscent of airport security and past the heavily armed security guys. (A quick aside here - the New Delhi subway is amazing. It's brand-spanking new and almost supports the 14 million people living there. But at rush time you can't even lift you arm to scratch your nose it's so packed.)
Back out onto the street again it's me and Borat picking our way past the cows, the garbage, the smell of diesel and feces (human and other), the dust, the rickshaws, the bicycles, the shoe-shine guys, and all 14 million residents. This is especially difficult if you have a roller bag, as Borat did. And to find an address is almost impossible. We were in the right "sector", but even people a few streets away had no idea where the hostel was. Eventually, a nice guy in a turban stopped his old 100cc motorcycle and called the hostel for us. They asked him to deliver me to a known street corner where they would pick me up. Obviously, there wasn't room for the turbaned driver, me, and Borat, so I told him to stay at the nearby temple until I could come back and get him. Long story short - he didn't. Luckily, he really stood out, so the hardest part of the brief manhunt involved one of the hostel staff trying to get him to stop long enough to explain that I had sent him.
Once he was safely delivered, I decided to take a nap. I was almost asleep when I felt Borat tucking me in. (I think I may have gotten a little short with him then.) He was always trying to help with everything and inevitably making it worse. One incident involved a group from the hostel. They were coming back from sight-seeing, and on the subway Borat decided that one of the locals was a little too close to one of the young ladies. (I guess it almost ended in a brawl.)
That night, I tried to explain what I did for a living. With lots of gesticulation I got replies of: "What is this - this "archaeology?"." "Artifacts...artifacts... I do not know." "Pyramids?! What is this?!" Finally, I used what I thought was the lowest common denominator. "Indiana Jones? What is this Indiana Jones? I do not know!" Eventually, he understood I did something involving history. In return, he tried to explain a little bit about the history of Iran. He told me about Ibn Sīnā and was a little shocked I didn't know him. With a snap of his fingers he asked (kind of demanded, really) that one of the young ladies get the girl who was studying to be a nurse. Reluctantly, she came upstairs. "YOU know Ibn Sīnā!!' You'd have though someone had shot his dog when she confessed she didn't. "How can you not know Ibn Sīnā!!" "Everybody know Ibn Sīnā!!" Eventually, we found Avicenna through a google search. (Well, if he had only said that to begin with.) I asked him about Ahmadinejad. With a frown and a big dismissive wave of his hand he spat out: "He nothing! A stupid man! Ahmadinejad, he just a donkey!" (I understand that's a pretty common sentiment there, actually.)
Luckily, I managed to ditch my new buddy whenever I went out sight seeing. I felt a little guilty about this, but not enough to do anything about it. I saw all the typical stuff- the Red Fort, the Lotus Temple,the Qutub Minar and, last but not least - Akshardham. Like India in general, Akshardham is both wonderful and bizarre at the same time. It is the largest Hindu temple complex in India (Which must mean the world, I would guess.) and is really stunning. It's not only ridiculously massive, but every stone surface is carved with animals, figures, deities, elephants, flowers, etc. But to get in you have to go through security that is unlike anything I've ever seen. The thing is, you can't have any technology with you when you visit it. No flashlights, no USB drives, certainly no cameras or cell phones. (I wonder how they feel about pacemakers?) And they check everywhere. The second time I went (I'll explain why in a bit.) they not only scanned my wallets (I carry two - a dummy one for muggers, just in case.) they actually looked through them. This was a little embarrassing when the guard pulled out a condom I had forgotten about in my mugger wallet. He gave me a disapproving shake of the head and threw it in the trash. (It's not like I was going to be using it inside the temple, but whatever.)
So, why did I spend an extra day in Delhi just to go back to Akshardham? It wasn't for the awesome super-hot Chai the little street-vendor girl sold out front. No, I went back because a guy on the subway told me "Oh! You didn't see the exhibits?! You will learn SO much about the history of India in the river cruise! There's also an IMAX movie about India. You can't leave the country without seeing it!"
You think I'd know better by now, but I went anyway. What I first saw was the IMAX propaganda film promoting Swaminarayan Hinduism. That's fine, it is a Swaminarayan temple after all, but it was pretty lean on "Magnificent views of India". Next, was a fairly impressive animatronic show about Sahajanand Swami, the founder of the religion. Basically, what I learned from all the different robotic Swamis was that we shouldn't kill other animals. Again, that's fine, it's a nice message, but it was the creepy Stepford Wives way it was presented that bothered me a bit. (Maybe that comes with the message being delivered by human-looking robots.) Lastly, was my much anticipated Disney-esque river-boat cruise. It's sort of supposed to be a journey-through-time concept, but on a boat and with more animatronics. As we went along I learned all sorts of things I didn't know. First brain surgery? India, thousands of years ago. First university? India. First hospital? You guessed it. First spaceship? Yep -thousands of years ago. (Really seems that the Apollo program should have known something about this, but in all fairness, Akshardham and the river boat ride didn't open until 2005.)
Well, it was now finally time to leave Delhi. I said goodbye to Borat and he insisted that I visit him in Iran. I suggested that it might be a little tough for an American. With a big smile he said: "No! No, no, no... it is easy! You just come through east Turkey. No problem!!" He explained he didn't have email, but gave me his phone number instead.
And if I ever go to Iran, I'm sure I'll call him.
I flew into New Delhi (it doesn't look very new, trust me) from Amman, Jordan. I knew enough about India that, after my late night flight, I thought I better hang out in the airport a while until it at least got light outside. While I was waiting I met Borat. Not Sacha Baron Cohen, but a guy who was a shockingly like him. I've never met a more enthusiastic, (and dramatically bipolar) person. He was in his mid 30's, wore a three-piece grey suit, and had a LARGE silver eagle medallion on a chain around his neck. Physically, he looked kind of like a young Ahmadinejad, which was fitting, as he was from Iran. He explained that he didn't have a place picked out to stay, so asked if he could tag along with me to my hostel. We eventually somehow managed our way into the subway after going through what is awfully reminiscent of airport security and past the heavily armed security guys. (A quick aside here - the New Delhi subway is amazing. It's brand-spanking new and almost supports the 14 million people living there. But at rush time you can't even lift you arm to scratch your nose it's so packed.)
Back out onto the street again it's me and Borat picking our way past the cows, the garbage, the smell of diesel and feces (human and other), the dust, the rickshaws, the bicycles, the shoe-shine guys, and all 14 million residents. This is especially difficult if you have a roller bag, as Borat did. And to find an address is almost impossible. We were in the right "sector", but even people a few streets away had no idea where the hostel was. Eventually, a nice guy in a turban stopped his old 100cc motorcycle and called the hostel for us. They asked him to deliver me to a known street corner where they would pick me up. Obviously, there wasn't room for the turbaned driver, me, and Borat, so I told him to stay at the nearby temple until I could come back and get him. Long story short - he didn't. Luckily, he really stood out, so the hardest part of the brief manhunt involved one of the hostel staff trying to get him to stop long enough to explain that I had sent him.
Once he was safely delivered, I decided to take a nap. I was almost asleep when I felt Borat tucking me in. (I think I may have gotten a little short with him then.) He was always trying to help with everything and inevitably making it worse. One incident involved a group from the hostel. They were coming back from sight-seeing, and on the subway Borat decided that one of the locals was a little too close to one of the young ladies. (I guess it almost ended in a brawl.)
That night, I tried to explain what I did for a living. With lots of gesticulation I got replies of: "What is this - this "archaeology?"." "Artifacts...artifacts... I do not know." "Pyramids?! What is this?!" Finally, I used what I thought was the lowest common denominator. "Indiana Jones? What is this Indiana Jones? I do not know!" Eventually, he understood I did something involving history. In return, he tried to explain a little bit about the history of Iran. He told me about Ibn Sīnā and was a little shocked I didn't know him. With a snap of his fingers he asked (kind of demanded, really) that one of the young ladies get the girl who was studying to be a nurse. Reluctantly, she came upstairs. "YOU know Ibn Sīnā!!' You'd have though someone had shot his dog when she confessed she didn't. "How can you not know Ibn Sīnā!!" "Everybody know Ibn Sīnā!!" Eventually, we found Avicenna through a google search. (Well, if he had only said that to begin with.) I asked him about Ahmadinejad. With a frown and a big dismissive wave of his hand he spat out: "He nothing! A stupid man! Ahmadinejad, he just a donkey!" (I understand that's a pretty common sentiment there, actually.)
Luckily, I managed to ditch my new buddy whenever I went out sight seeing. I felt a little guilty about this, but not enough to do anything about it. I saw all the typical stuff- the Red Fort, the Lotus Temple,the Qutub Minar and, last but not least - Akshardham. Like India in general, Akshardham is both wonderful and bizarre at the same time. It is the largest Hindu temple complex in India (Which must mean the world, I would guess.) and is really stunning. It's not only ridiculously massive, but every stone surface is carved with animals, figures, deities, elephants, flowers, etc. But to get in you have to go through security that is unlike anything I've ever seen. The thing is, you can't have any technology with you when you visit it. No flashlights, no USB drives, certainly no cameras or cell phones. (I wonder how they feel about pacemakers?) And they check everywhere. The second time I went (I'll explain why in a bit.) they not only scanned my wallets (I carry two - a dummy one for muggers, just in case.) they actually looked through them. This was a little embarrassing when the guard pulled out a condom I had forgotten about in my mugger wallet. He gave me a disapproving shake of the head and threw it in the trash. (It's not like I was going to be using it inside the temple, but whatever.)
So, why did I spend an extra day in Delhi just to go back to Akshardham? It wasn't for the awesome super-hot Chai the little street-vendor girl sold out front. No, I went back because a guy on the subway told me "Oh! You didn't see the exhibits?! You will learn SO much about the history of India in the river cruise! There's also an IMAX movie about India. You can't leave the country without seeing it!"
You think I'd know better by now, but I went anyway. What I first saw was the IMAX propaganda film promoting Swaminarayan Hinduism. That's fine, it is a Swaminarayan temple after all, but it was pretty lean on "Magnificent views of India". Next, was a fairly impressive animatronic show about Sahajanand Swami, the founder of the religion. Basically, what I learned from all the different robotic Swamis was that we shouldn't kill other animals. Again, that's fine, it's a nice message, but it was the creepy Stepford Wives way it was presented that bothered me a bit. (Maybe that comes with the message being delivered by human-looking robots.) Lastly, was my much anticipated Disney-esque river-boat cruise. It's sort of supposed to be a journey-through-time concept, but on a boat and with more animatronics. As we went along I learned all sorts of things I didn't know. First brain surgery? India, thousands of years ago. First university? India. First hospital? You guessed it. First spaceship? Yep -thousands of years ago. (Really seems that the Apollo program should have known something about this, but in all fairness, Akshardham and the river boat ride didn't open until 2005.)
Well, it was now finally time to leave Delhi. I said goodbye to Borat and he insisted that I visit him in Iran. I suggested that it might be a little tough for an American. With a big smile he said: "No! No, no, no... it is easy! You just come through east Turkey. No problem!!" He explained he didn't have email, but gave me his phone number instead.
And if I ever go to Iran, I'm sure I'll call him.
Well, pretty sure.
But, he was off to see Kashmir, while I had decided to take a three-day train journey to the very southern end of the country.
